SOME GUIDELINES FOR STORIES by C. Lakewood I think we all want a group that we can be proud of. And one way to achieve that is to post well-crafted stories. While I don't want to discourage participation -- especially by beginning authors -- I do want to maintain certain standards. The following guide has been culled from many years' writing and editing. You will note that almost all of it involves mechanics. The less tangible aspects of story-telling (such as style, character development, and conflict resolution) are, by their nature, more complex and must wait their turn. Note, too, that these guidelines are precisely that; I'm not going to reject a story for a comma fault. Still, I hope that members will read and learn. (Of course, a lot of it is pretty basic. My apologies in advance if you already know it all. But read it anyway.) To begin with, any writer should have at least three books handy: a good dictionary, a thesaurus, and a college-level English grammar. 10 Common Mistakes of Web Authors #1: Incorrect Punctuation Many writers often seem to forget how punctuation works and why it's used. Punctuating quotations, in particular, is frequently mishandled. Examples: Correct ("I love you," she said.) Incorrect ("I love you", she said.) Even more incorrect ("I love you.", she said.) Always put commas and periods inside the quote marks; semi-colons, colons, and dashes always outside; exclamation points and question marks either outside or inside, depending on context. Examples: "Eureka!" he exclaimed. Was it really a "conundrum"? "Whose was 'the face that launched a thousand ships'?" I asked. ********** If you are a Boomer (or younger), you probably had a teacher who told you to read what you write aloud and put a comma wherever you pause. That teacher was an idiot. Punctuation does not vary with lung capacity. A comma has a purpose. For example, commas separate items in a series. Between clauses, they work with conjunctions (like "and," "but," "or"; "although," "because," "if"). They're also used to set off an introductory clause or phrase, a person (or thing) being addressed, or a parenthetical expression (as a substitute for actual parentheses). There are other uses, but these are the basic ones. You mustn't, however, just drop them in wherever you feel like it or whimsically omit them where they're needed. Consult your grammar book. ********** Commas are the difference, in the classic example, between "He eats shoots and leaves" and "He eats, shoots, and leaves." ********** Commas are often under-used, but too many in the same sentence can be confusing. In such cases, you might substitute parentheses (or even a dash, for emphasis). Exclamation points, in contrast, are often over-used. Never use one for mere emphasis, but only with a true exclamation -- something you could actually shout. (And one is sufficient. NEVER use two or more in a misguided effort to make it even more exclamatory.) ********** A hyphen (-) is one thing; a dash (--) is another. They are not interchangeable. ********** An ellipsis is 3 dots (...), followed by another mark of punctuation, if appropriate (...? or ....). It is used to indicate that one or more words have been omitted within a quoted passage or, especially in narrative, to show an interruption or hesitation. ****************************** #2: Misspelling Use your spell checker, by all means, but don't rely on it exclusively. Spell-checks are useful, but stupid. They don't care whether the word is appropriate, only if it's spelled right -- or, to put it in other words...ore, too putt tit inn either warts, the don car wether they sword his expropriate, ornery of its spilled rite.... They'll catch the missed apostrophe in couldnt, didnt, Im, and theyll, but not in cant or hell. They don't mind if the teacher "taut" the lesson, if the condemned man mounted the "giblet," or if that much-admired work of art, "the statue of limitations," has expired. No matter how much you try to proofread your own work (even with a spell checker), you'll probably overlook something. (When you read a story you've written, you see what you meant, but not necessarily what you wrote, unless you've let it lie fallow long enough to have forgotten.) Everyone needs a proofreader-editor. So don't try to go it alone; hook up with another writer or a literate friend. (I have several.) This is important for more than typos; see #10, below. Watch out for homophone errors. Learn the difference between "your" (a possessive) and "you're" (a contraction), between "their" and "they're," and between "its" and "it's." There are many others; "sight" and "site," for example, are often misused; "discrete" is frequently used when "discreet" is meant. And NEVER attempt to form a plural by adding 's. This is, in my opinion, the absolute worst mistake of the semi-literate. The plural of "car" is "cars" (not "car's"); the plural of "army" is "armies" (not "army's"). ********** Capitalization is a sub-category of spelling. Two capitals are the difference between "Don helped his Uncle Jack off his horse" and "Don helped his uncle jack off his horse." ****************************** #3: Bad Formatting No one likes to read a story that consists of one long paragraph. Break it up into manageable segments. And, since most people will read your web stories on their computers (even when they download them), you must leave white space (a blank line) between paragraphs and two spaces between sentences. Break out dialogue as separate paragraphs. That is, whenever the speaker changes, begin a new paragraph. Post in rich text (.rtf) if you must and plain text (.txt) when you can. Anything else is both a waste of space and a potential virus-carrier. When you post to Strip-Search4, remember two quirks or your line breaks won't behave: 1) Stay within the page width of 68 plain text characters. 2) Put a carriage return at the end of every line. ****************************** #4: Unnatural Dialogue When you write dialogue, consider how people really talk. Stilted dialogue will destroy a story. In real life, people rarely use formal speech patterns; neither should your characters. Contractions, slang, and a few sentence fragments will make your dialogue more realistic. (And note that "dialogue" is not "dialog," any more than "doughnuts" are "donuts," "night" is "nite," or "through" is "thru.") ****************************** #5: Over-using Proper Names Try not to use the same words and phrases too close together -- and never over-use a character's name. Substitute pronouns, as long as there is no danger of confusing the reader. (A scene with only one woman and one man is easy; two or more of the same sex is trickier.) ****************************** #6: Errors in the Choice and Placement of Words Be careful of unnecessary words. For example: "I watched as he got up and then quickly walked into the next room..." is too wordy, but remarkably typical. "He got up and hurried into the next room..." is much better. Consider the briefest way to say exactly what you want, and cut out superfluous words. Make sure, too, that the words you do use are placed correctly. For example, "He could only eat 12 hot dogs," means that he couldn't do anything with them except eat them. You probably should have written, "He could eat only 12 hot dogs" -- meaning that he couldn't eat more than a dozen. Vary your rhythms. Use a mixture of sentence types: short and long; simple, compound, and complex. Vary the placement of modifiers; often an adjective or adverb can be put either before or after the word it modifies without altering the meaning of the sentence. Learn the difference between "which" and "that." The former introduces supplementary, parenthetical information. ("My red car, which is parked outside, is an MG.") The latter, however, introduces necessary information. ("The red car that is parked outside is an MG.") Those who can't remember how to employ "i.e." and "e.g." should just use "that is" and "for example" instead. Also note that there are virtually no absolute synonyms. There is, for all practical purposes, always some variation in meaning between two apparent synonyms, and it's often quite substantial. Commonly abused pairs include drastic/extreme, decimate/annihilate, replica/reproduction, use/utilize, convince/persuade, and pill/tablet. Words are precision instruments; use them as such. ****************************** #7: Misplaced Exuberance Writing in ALL CAPS is like shouting; do it sparingly. Never use two or more exclamation points together. (Indeed, unless you're lettering a comic strip, even single exclamation points should be relatively rare.) Never use a long string of dots to indicate a particularly lengthy pause. These things are amateurish. ****************************** #8: Ignoring Story Structure You should devise a brief history for each of your main characters. You can reveal as much of this as necessary either in the beginning of the story (which is simplest) or parcel it out as the story progresses -- or, indeed, use a combination of the two methods. Your knowing where a character came from will not only help you understand where he's going, but also aid you in keeping him plausible while he's getting there. As the story unfolds, you should also let the reader in on the workings of the characters' minds. These things will, one hopes, induce the reader to care about what happens to the characters and, therefore, to keep reading. Every story should contain some form of conflict and, in the end, a resolution of that conflict. This does not necessarily mean that the story is concluded, however (as readers of, for example, Joe Doe and C. Lakewood are very aware). By all means, cater to your own fetishes, but also be aware that a good story is far more than just a laundry list of them. Moreover, to a degree, you must consider audience expectations. (If you write a WIP story, for example, your readers will expect you to include some lesbian activity -- or, at least, a plausible enough indication why you haven't.) Finally, make the story convincing. If it's unbelievable, it just won't be erotic. ****************************** #9: Setting Off Without a Map You don't have to start with an outline, but you should have some idea where the story is going. Otherwise, the tendency is to write away, until you become tired or bored with it, and then stop. When I begin a story, for example, I invariably have the end already in mind -- indeed, I often compose the last paragraph (or at least the punch line) first and then write the story to that end. It helps me stay focused. ****************************** #10: Not Re-visiting Your Work No one should ever write and post a story willy-nilly. Always re-read it -- preferably after putting it aside for a few days. Otherwise, your subconscious tends to fill in gaps during the proof-reading process. The reason this happens is because you remember what you had intended to say at that point, and you naturally keep assuming that you've said it. If you put it aside long enough to forget, then you actually have to read the words. And, if you find yourself scratching your head and murmuring, "Now what in hell did I mean by that?" you've got more re-writing to do. (Sometimes, in fact, you cannot figure it out and wind up having to delete the whole passage.) In addition to -- or instead of -- letting it lie fallow for a while, try to view your story in a different format. If you've written it in plain text, for example, put it into html and read it carefully. Or, after writing and proofing it on your PC, print it out and proof the hard copy. Yes, it's tedious; no, it's not optional. Typos and misspelled words will jump out at you on a re-read. You can even find whole words or sentences that are superfluous at best, or pretty much nonsensical at worst. While you're re-reading; be critical, look for words or phrases that you can eliminate. Many times a sentence will read much better when you remove extraneous words. (See #6, above.) You'll find that, when you look at your work with a critical eye, you can always make the story flow more smoothly than it did in the first draft. Here endeth the lesson. ****************************** ADDENDUM As it turns out, as one lesson endeth, another beginneth. I sent the following note to one of the writers I edit for, and it occurs to me that a number of others might also profit from it: The word "suddenly" is very much over-used; omit it unless there's a specific reason for putting it in. As it is, most of the time it's just noise (like some people use "you know"). Unless you have a good reason for using them, avoid such feeble constructions as "she felt her nipples harden," "she felt him touch her," "she heard the bell ring," or "she saw the man move." "Her nipples hardened," "he touched her," "the bell rang," and "the man moved" are almost always preferable, more vigorous and less wussy. I know the former are common constructions in porn stories, but they're weak. "Though blindfolded, she heard the church bell ring and so kept track of the passing hours" is an example of an exception. Another: "She heard the bell ring and, in desperation, increased her pace."