A STOCK CONVERSATION
                              
                              by

                          Imreadonly




It was still dark when Milkman Dan halted his truck at the end 
of Main Street, but he'd spotted the young woman in the village 
"stocks" immediately.  He idly wondered again why everyone used 
the term "stocks," when he (who had barely graduated from high 
school) knew that it should be called a "pillory."  He shrugged.  
There were many things he didn't know...but he knew what he liked.  

He recognized the woman.  "How are you this morning, Miz Goody?" 
he asked cheerfully, politely tipping his cap.

"Oh, Dan, I'm in trouble," Prudence admitted.  "My husband had his 
buddies over to watch the game on Sunday, and...."

Dan cut to the chase.  "And you got into a quarrel, and the 
Sheriff arrested you for being a shrew."  He shook his head.  
"Heck of a thing.  But once a law's on the books...." 

"Could you undo the top bolt and free me?" Prudence asked hopefully. 

"Well, legally, I could," Dan admitted.  "Heck, anybody could.  But 
nobody ever does, do they?  Kind of defeats the purpose.  Public 
shaming.  I'm guessing that's why the Sheriff left this bucket of 
switches back here."

"Switches!" Prudence said, alarmed.

"Ha!  Yes, I suppose you can't see it very well from where you are. 
Ooh, these are beauties, all long and thin and whippy...soaking in 
brine."

Prudence winced as she heard the sound of her milkman SWISHING a 
switch through the air.

"The Sheriff left a whole bundle back here.  He must not like you 
much.  I heard him say once that you were uppity." 

Prudence frowned.  She was NOT uppity!  It wasn't her fault that 
she was the smartest, prettiest, richest, and best-dressed woman 
in town.  But this was no time to argue.  "Dan, I could really use 
some help.  If you'd unlock...."

"Help?  Sure!  What are milkmen for?  Tell you what...I'll give you 
your first few licks.  A lot of times folks don't want to be the 
first ones, but, once someone breaks the ice, everyone joins in.  
Here, let me get those pants down...."

"No!" Prudence shouted.  "Don't take down my pants!" 

"Got to," Dan said brightly.  "These switches will tear right 
through those expensive slacks.  Ah!  Nice panties.  Victoria's 
Secret?  Now lift up your feet.  I'll toss your pants and panties
up front, where you can keep an eye on them.  Wouldn't want 'em 
stolen and you having to walk home bare-assed."

"Please, not my panties!  I...."

Too late!  

SWOOSH! 

"That's for changing your milk order at the last minute."

SWOOSH!

"That's for calling my supervisor to complain when I was late."

"And this..." SWOOSH! "is for living in a multi-million dollar 
mansion..." SWOOSH! "and stiffing your poor, hard-working 
milkman..." SWOOSH! SWOOSH! at Christmas time!" SWOOSH! SWOOSH! 
SWOOSH! SWOOSH!

"Now what do you say?" 

"Th-thank you, Dan," Prudence sniveled.  He smiled.  With her hands 
locked in the "stocks," she was unable to wipe off the tears or the 
trail of snot dribbling from her nose. 

"My pleasure, Miz Goody.  Enjoy your day now," Dan said cheerfully, 
giving her bottom a playful squeeze before turning back toward his 
truck. 

He still had a lot of stops to make, but he didn't care. 

Milkman Dan loved his job.



Edited by C. Lakewood